Free my Brain from Migraine Pain

Migraine Early Warning System

One of the first things you learn when you started dealing with your migraines is to identify and avoid triggers. I learned this shortly after a murderous 5 day migraine I had in Arizona – I was at higher altitudes than I was used to, and there were forest fires all week, exposing me to lots of smoke. I was drinking way more coffee than usual to keep up with a busy vacation schedule with lots of driving. Voila – smoke + altitude + excess caffeine = nasty head-banging five day migraine. For those of you living in Arizona – I don’t hold it against you or your state! It’s a beautiful corner of the world and I wish I had been able to visit with less pain. I saw Sedona in a migraine-fog – I understand it actually looks something like this:

Anyway this experience started me on an important inquiry – what are my triggers, and how can I avoid them?

There are common migraine triggers and then the ones that seem relatively unique to each of us. For one it’s eating dairy, drinking wine, for another flashing lights, particular smells, loud music, smoke, being startled, being in a crowd of loudly talking people, the bright packaging at the supermarket, the tv. It’s important to know what your migraine triggers are. If your brain is a loaded gun, ready to fire off with a migraine, and you know what pulls the trigger, that helps, right? You can avoid the triggering event or substance and reduce the likelihood that you’ll get a migraine.

Some lifestyle changes may be necessary to avoid triggers.  Get into a regular sleep routine.  Stop eating dairy. Stay away from places with flashing lights. Avoid smokers.  (Just for instance.  For a complete list of common triggers, visit mymigraineconnection here.) If you live with a smoker, you may need to an agreement that he or she won’t smoke in the house. If you smoke yourself, you may need to make a major change! If your kid’s hard rock music does it, you may need to have some rules around when and how loud it can be on. But some triggers are unavoidable, and we can’t avoid all of them all the time.

So I started asking myself – those may be the triggers, but what loaded the gun in the first place? By the way, it’s most unfair of me to be comparing our unique, sensitive and brilliant brains to  guns. I hate guns. But we can’t deny the violence of the migraine. And even if you are a gun owner, I think we’d all agree that you’ve got to keep the thing unloaded around the house to avoid tragic accidents. So what loaded my migraine gun, and how can I keep it unloaded?

Migraine is a response to triggering stimuli. Current thinking is that stress itself is not a trigger but may predispose us to be more vulnerable to our triggers. You can read more about that here. For me, over-stimulation itself is enough of a stress to tip me over into migraine, even if I’m not aware of any other triggers. On some stereo speakers you can turn the volume way up, others you will blow out by turning them up high. Our brains have the blow-out factor set way lower than the other 88 – 90% of the population. So, I say when we are stressed for a long period of time without relief, when we are highly stimulated without relief or let-down, we are loaded for migraine. We may have an ability to go into hyper-drive, to perform effectively, rapidly and intensely. But the more we do that, the more often and the longer duration, the more likely we are to load ourselves for a migraine explosion.

It takes more attention, more thought, more observation and introspection to determine your early warning signs than to determine your triggers. The good news is that if you do get attuned to them, you have a much higher likelihood of avoiding the migraine altogether. When I took on a daily relaxation practice, doing deep breathing and meditation to calm my system down every day, I reduced my migraines. When I got out of practice, the migraines started increasing again.

So what’s your early warning system?  For me it’s a tightness in the shoulders and neck that moves up into my head. Also a sense of agitation – moving and thinking really fast.  What are the signs for you that come before the triggers, the ones you have the best chance of diffusing? Please leave me a comment to let me know what you think.

(This is supposed to be a picture of your nervous system when it's all calm and serene, but Thor looks like he's ready to play.  Imagine him curled in a furry purring ball.)

- Megan

Hoping you catch your signals before the guns go off

stereo speakers courtesy of  Valerie Everett

Happy Birthday!

If my topic today isn't (mostly) about migraines, I won't be the first migraineur-blogger to write off topic.  I wrote last week about acknowledging and appreciating the people in our lives who support us.  So I'm doing some more of that today:

Today is my sweetheart's birthday - Happy Birthday Danny!  Here are some roses for you!

You pick me up when I'm down, you keep me honest and focused and give me back my perspective when I lose it.  You care for me when I'm not well, you make me laugh, you make me think.  You excite me, you calm me down.  You awe me with your brilliance, you nurture me with great food, great touch and admiration.  I've known you my whole life, you've always been a part of me, even when I didn't know it yet.  And even though for 5 days every year I call you the old geezer, I think it was very gracious of you to come into the world 5 days before me and break a path for me.  But then you always were a gentleman.

Love always,

Megan

 

Do I have migraines, or do they have me?

(or – I wish there was another word for sorry!)

I work with people with chronic conditions, and we talk about this – do I have the disease, or does the disease have me?  I also work with small business owners and I ask them – “do you have the business, or does the business have you?” Maybe having a business is a form of chronic disease. If so I’ve got another one to add to my list! But I digress…

My buddies on the mymigraineconnection forum were having a discussion today about apologizing for the effects of our migraines. I think we’re in agreement that there are a couple of meanings of the word “sorry.” One is to apologize, but another is to say “I feel for you” or “I am sad that you feel that way.” When someone experiences the death of a loved one we say “I am sorry for your loss,” but we don’t mean that we are feeling personally responsible for the death. I think English needs another word for sorry! 

The famous quote from Erich Segal’s Love Story is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I’ve always had a hard time with that line, but I don’t think Segal meant that we can do whatever we like to those we love without acknowledgement. I think he meant that forgiveness is part of loving someone. And even if we can expect forgiveness from those we love, love still needs to be nurtured and watered and fed, like any living thing, or it can wither. I think part of how we nurture and feed those we love is to acknowledge the pain they feel for our pain, the huge help they are for us, the disappointment, inconvenience and extra work our disease causes. So if I say “I’m sorry” when my husband brings me up a meal on a tray, or when I have to ask my son not to play drums right now, or I can’t take my daughter out shopping, what I really mean is “this disease stinks. I wish I didn’t have it and I wish I didn’t have to ask you these things.”

In Emotional Intelligence author Daniel Goleman talks about the ability to stand back from our emotions and observe them. This ability is what gives us some perspective, some emotional intelligence – when we can “count to 10” instead of reacting right away, we have some power over what we feel. So to tie this in with feeling sorry, maybe when we say “I’m sorry,” when someone brings us a glass of water, we’re separating ourselves from the migraine disease – we’re saying “I am not my disease. I have migraines but they don’t have me. I wish I didn’t have them – but there is a me here, completely separate from the disease, who regrets the trouble and sorrow the disease brings.” 

My heart goes out to those in constant pain, in part because of this – the more pain, the more constant, the harder it is to keep that healthy perspective. When I can remember that I am not the migraine, the migraine doesn’t have me, that’s when I can take back my life.

- Megan Oltman

With enormous love and gratitude for Danny, Rachel, Adam, Mom & Dad, my siblings and in-laws and the many other family members and friends who bring me glasses of water, literal and figurative.

Lunch tray courtesy of Wordridden/Jessica
Glass of water courtesy of Venkane/Nevena

I Got Them Old Migraine Blues Again, Mama!

Yesterday the beast sank its claws into my brain,

Oh yes yesterday the beast sank its claws into my brain,

It may be awhile ‘fore I can shake ‘im loose again.

I got them old migraine blues again, mama!

I keep trying and trying to live a healthy life,

Yeah I just keep on trying to live a healthy life,

And I’ve got to keep on fighting, against the pain and strife,

Got them old Migraine blues again!

I’m trying to earn a living, just trying to make some bread,

Yes I got to earn a living, my kids do need that bread,

But it’s hard to keep on working with that beast perched on my head.

Is there light down the tunnel, this ain’t no funhouse ride!

Want that light down the tunnel, cause this ain’t no funhouse ride –

The light sure wants to blind me, but I’m tryin’ to let that slide.

Today I’m just post-droming and the beast has slunk away

Yes I think now I’m post-droming and the beast has slunk away

I’m trying to take it easy so he don’t come back today

Got them old migraine blues again, Mama!

        If anybody wants to set this to music, let me know!  Post-drome, if you're not familiar, is the part of the migraine after the headache is past.  For me it's weak and shaky and my head's a little tender.  Lately I can't always tell if it's post-drome or just a let-up in the pain.   But it's a better way to start the day than in the midst of the head pain. 

- Megan
Post-droming and hoping, to keep the beast away

 

claws image courtesy of delta407

Living Healthy to end the Brain Drain

Here’s the view down the lane from me this morning – I took a chilly walk with Kimi. Snow is coming in a little while. I did all the things I should this morning, stretched, meditated, ate a light healthy breakfast, took my supplements and meds, stayed calm. Planned my day, did some work, took a walk.  A morning of living healthy.  (Go ahead, give me a gold star!)  I’ll do that a few times and then I’ll think I don’t have to any more. Anyone else out there like me?

I’ve been thinking about what it takes to live healthy. Like everyone, I’ve been secretly hoping for the magic pill. Where do we get that fantasy from? Is it from fairy tales, a constant wish for the magic wand that banishes all ills, or the knight on the white horse to take us away, or is it pharmaceutical commercials (potential side-effects include loss of common sense, temporary irresponsibility…)? 

But wouldn’t it be nice? Just give me the magic pill (once, mind you, I’m not interested in something I have to do every day, or refill prescriptions for, or pay co-pays ad nauseum…) and then I can live like everybody else.

Oh, like everybody else, huh? What does my fantasy mean by that? Hmm well I imagine everybody else can stay up as late as they want, as often as they want. They can eat sugar without getting hooked on it. They can drink coffee without revving their systems up so much they get migraines. They can live without exercise. They can drink alcohol. They can be around cigarette smoke. They stay calm cool and collected. They certainly never ever have to meditate, or breathe deep, or stretch. They don’t have to go to the chiropractor every two weeks, they never need a nap, they have abundant energy all day, their houses are tidy and clean… How much of the human race have I eliminated by now? I guess there may be one or two paragons like this somewhere, but I know I haven’t met many! Funny thing is, to live healthy with my conditions, mostly I have to do what common wisdom and the medical profession tells us we all need to be doing. The main difference seems to be: for those of us with chronic illness, the breakdown comes faster. We don’t have to wait 30 years for the heart attack – we get the migraine attack right now!

Living healthy with migraine disease, and chronic fatigue, and a chronic sinus condition, seasonal allergies, allergies to pain meds, and irritable bowel syndrome, hypothyroidism, periodic anxiety and depression, looks like this for me:

1) regular and sufficient sleep

2) a diet high in fiber, organic foods, fruits and vegetables, and low in dairy, refined sugar and flour and food additives

3) vitamins, minerals and nutritional supplements

4) thyroid supplements

5) natural, bio-identical hormone replacement therapy

6) antihistamines

7) a humidified house

8) flushing my sinuses with a neti pot a couple of times a week

9) triptans for migraine attacks

10) daily stretching

11) daily meditation and relaxation practice

12) journaling

13) keeping a detailed wellness diary

14) regular exercise – at least 5 times a week

15) chiropractic visits every other week

16) a life coach to help me stay on track

17) keeping in touch with my medical team about what’s working, what’s changing, what’s next

18) keeping a regular work schedule and managing my time and projects to keep my anxiety level low

19) other stuff I can’t think of at the moment…

If I do all this, I am less likely to get a migraine. I am less likely to catch every cold that comes down the pike and turn it into a sinus infection. I am unlikely to have an ibs flare-up and I don’t fatigue easily and I feel serene… and then I think I’m cured. I think somewhere in all that was a magic pill and I can have a great big cup of coffee with a cheese danish and stay up half the night and work without breaks… until the migraine slams me down again.

Or even worse, I get sick anyway, even though I did everything right, or nearly everything right, and then I think, what’s the use of working so hard to stay healthy?

So, here’s my commitment: One day at a time, I will live healthy. I will do it for the rest of today. Tomorrow all bets are off… (just kidding!)

Oh, it just started snowing!

- Megan Oltman

Live well and prosper! 

pill image courtesy of [O*] 'BharaT
checklist courtesy of Jon-Eric Melsaeter
snowflakes courtesy of Lin Pernille

 

It's all in your head

Gotta rant today. I've been hearing too much about blaming the victims lately. And when we start down the road of "it's all in our heads"there's danger ahead.

What migraineur has not heard that as a put down? "It's all in your head!"  What people mean by that is, it's psychosomatic, or it's psychological, or snap out of it - you can control this.  Migraines are in our heads - and in other parts of our bodies as well. They are a series of rapid firings of a bunch of overexcited neurons - in our brains, which happen to be in our heads, not our elbows or our spleens. So what? Just because something is taking place inside our head, doesn't mean we have control over it. Try snapping out of it! Try snapping out of depression, or anxiety, or worse yet seizures, or a stroke. Try not thinking of an elephant while you're at it. We can't even do that!   

Is that a statement straight out of the mind/body fallacy or what? The brain is a bodily organ.  It controls the rest of the body, to a large extent, but that doesn't mean it's not part of the body. Just because we use it to think thoughts, doesn't mean we can control its processes or malfunctions. We like to think we are completely independent in producing thoughts, but our thoughts are strongly influenced, if not controlled, by our emotions, and emotions are produced by biochemical secretions. You can't think your way out of an illness. Or maybe you can, who knows, but I can't, I've tried!

On the other hand, our bodies influence our brains. We put chemical substances in - foods, nutritional supplements, medications, that help or hinder our recovery, relieve or trigger our migraines. We walk and exercise and that affects our moods and our thoughts.  And keeping a positive attitude, doing things to take care of ourselves, reaching out for support and helping others - all these things can influence our moods, and our health. They should be part of our migraine treatment plan. But they won't take away the underlying condition. I cannot think or emote or eat or exercise my way to a redesign of my neurons.

This kind of thinking is particularly damaging when it feeds into our own perfectionism and guilt about being ill. The next person who says that, you might say, "I can't think myself well, but you can think yourself tolerant!"  After all, their prejudices against migraine are all in their heads!

- Megan
Laying low with a headache - keeping migraine at bay

brain photo courtesy of Gaetan Lee

Knowing what to rage against

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."  Dylan Thomas

What's important is to know what to rage against. How do I fight the good fight, and not the losing battle? It does me no good to fight the fact of my disease - where my fight is best placed is in finding help for myself and others, learning more, educating more, fighting to live a good life. But I forget that, frequently. I'm sure you never do that - I must be the only one who gets angry at this stupid disease!

Tuesday night I felt the steel band tighten around my temples. The gentle light behind the stained glass shade began to drill unbearably into my eyeballs. Dinner was cooked and eaten, homework done or well underway. My plan for the evening involved chatting with my husband, paying bills, loading the dishwasher, some reading. Nothing ambitious or exciting. My plan did not involve a migraine.

I laid my head on Danny's chest. "Another one?" he asked. I nodded. "Why don't you go upstairs?" "I will," I said, "I'll just try and load the dishwasher." (Fighting the disease.) "Don't overdo it," he said. So I went into the kitchen, and put a plate, a glass, a fork into the dishwasher, bending slightly. The pain gathered over my right eyebrow for its opening move - a faint whack. "Okay, that's enough!" I said, and laughed a little. (Acceptance.)

So I went upstairs, turned the lights low in the bedroom and settled in. The pounding was slowly starting, so I took my Imitrex. It was 8:30 at night. I could have gone to sleep. I could have read a little and gone to sleep. But I was mad. I was downright disgusted. I wanted to be entertained. I turned on the tv. The flickering screen bothered me, but the pain never got intense enough for me to back down. I stayed up until 11:30, watching a movie I wasn't even enjoying. I had to keep the sound low to protect my head. I had to mute the commercials and avert my eyes from them. At 11:30 the migraine began to break through the imitrex. I went to sleep.

I woke exhausted at 6 in the morning, on insufficient sleep, to the kitchen fill of dishes. My son was grumpy and didn't want to get up. I was the world's most put-upon human being. I plunged my hands into the greasy dishwater, yelled at my son, and cried. My head was tight, threatening another round. But I pulled myself together, made the kids breakfast, got the dishwasher running, the kids out to the bus, checked my work schedule and went back to bed for an hour. I got up and went to work - realizing that it wasn't the kids or the dishes or even the migraine I was mad at, it was me, my own self, for not taking care of me.

Acceptance is not giving up. Acceptance is going with the flow, with the grain, in the groove. Acceptance is the feet on the ground. Inspiration, striving, creation, possibility is the arms reaching for the sky. Let me have my feet on the ground and my arms up to the sky. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Viva la difference! 
- Megan

Reaching for Serenity

Pain on the rebound

Pain is as diverse as man. One suffers as one can. Victor Hugo

The worst pain I have known was not in childbirth. My brother, who is a physical therapist, told me that he sometimes asks women (if they have given birth) how the pain of the physical therapy compares with labor pains. I have had migraines that were worse than any labor pains. I have had injuries worse than any labor pains.

At the end of labor pains comes a blessed event, a birth, the beginning of a life. We finally meet this child who has kicked, wriggled and squirmed inside us all these months. And physical therapy is pain to make better an injury, to cause healing, improve function. The outcome lacks the drama of birth, but at least we suffer the pain for a good cause.

The worst pain I ever felt was when I broke and dislocated my elbow. The birth theme comes into it – I broke it 8 months pregnant with my second child. I had dropped my daughter at nursery school and was taking an early morning walk, dutifully keeping fit and getting ready for labor. I stepped on a patch of black ice and slipped. My feet flew to the left and I came down on the heel of my right hand, with my arm extended and elbow locked, taking the entire weight of my pregnant body on that arm. I managed to walk the two blocks back to the nursery school, crying with pain. I walked in and interrupted the teacher and parent who were talking in the doorway, said “Excuse me, I think I broke my arm,” and promptly went into shock.

I have had migraines where I cried with the pain, crying making the pain worse, I moaned with the pain, moaning making the pain worse, I vomited from the pain, vomiting making the pain worse. The best that can be said for a migraine like that is that you know it will pass, in a few hours or many, that this will not be forever. 

I can’t speak to severe chronic pain – I know there is pain that makes people wish to die. I can speak to moderate chronic pain – the pain of daily headaches, pain that nags, wears you down, beats you, backs down some, comes back. When I had medication rebound headaches, I learned that I had to endure the pain to get to the point where I would stop rebounding. And since I am sensitive to medications, this has happened more than once.  And so I learn it again. 

When I had a dislocated elbow, the worst part was when the doctor “reduced” the dislocation in the ER, popping it back into place. Few things make me scream aloud. That did. That was the worst pain I ever felt. Worse than the break, worse than any migraine, worse than labor pains, or my herniated disk, or my other broken arm. And as soon as it was over, when the elbow was back in place, even still broken, the pain ended.

So yes, this is my (tortured) analogy. This is where I was heading. My heart goes out to everyone in pain. Seek comfort and pampering as best you can. If you are having rebound headaches, just like reducing the dislocation, just like physical therapy, the pain will lead to a good outcome – enduring it, moving through it, will end it.  I'm sorry it's not a magic pill.  It's the best I've got.  Just hope.

- Megan

Feeling well, wishing you the same

 

morning breaks courtesy of lida rose

These are the good old days

Thanks to MJ for my topic today.  I've got the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" stuck in my head now, which is rough because I only remember half the tune and the lyrics.  But the final refrain says "Stay right here, 'cause these are the good old days, these are the good old days, these are the good old days..."  (Just you wait 'til  I figure out how to get an audio file in here and I'll have you humming it too.)

Yesterday I wrote about Fridays...  getting nostalgic about a time when I used to go out on Friday nights.   It's easy to get nostalgic when your head hurts - I can even get nostalgic for last Saturday, when I didn't have a migraine or a sinus infection!  How about Thursday?  That was a good old day! 

Truth is - I never went out every Friday.  Plenty of times of I was happy with a pizza and crappy tv.  PJs and slippers and a game of Scrabble.  We did eat out a lot on Fridays, because who wants to cook at the end of the work week?  But we lived in a big city, had disposable income, didn't have kids yet, that made it easy.   And sometimes Friday was dinner and dancing - a movie - time out with friends - it did happen!

My Frigraine Friday wasn't too bad.   Imitrex worked for awhile; I got some work done but didn't overdo it; Danny made an easy comforting supper; we watched "Blithe Spirit" - an old Rex Harrison flick - and ate chocolate truffles.  The headache is still with me today, but mild.  (I refuse to call it a Saturgraine... that would be silly!)  I'm well enough today to write this.  This morning I made a dent in those Friday dishes.  I have plenty to be grateful for.  Look at this girl here - Kimi doesn't long for the good old days!   A good belly-scratch makes it the best day ever!

So what's yer point, Migraine-brain?  It's hard to keep perspective when your head hurts.  It's always dangerous to draw conclusions when you're down.  Am I glad to be where I am today?  I'd rather the house was cleaner, the funds were bigger, my dress size was smaller, my migraines were fewer, shorter, weaker...  Would I pay money to be 25 again?  I would not. 

Here's to finding the joy in where you are, right now.  Wherever that is. 

- Megan
Wickity-Whack but still ticking   

                                                                                                   

 

pizza image courtesy of wEnDaLicious/wEnDy

Friday + Migraine = Frigraine

Early warning system for frigraine – tightness around the temples starting 4:30 p.m. The “ohmigod my desk is such a mess” in the throat coupled with the “waddanidiot I wasted so much time this week” in the stomach. The compulsive need to do tedious, detail-oriented, eye-straining tasks starting at 4:45 and continuing until well past the promised stopping time of 5:30. Dragging the reluctant body from the messy desk and going into the house. Looking at the kitchen which somehow never gets cleaned on Friday mornings and plunging in to the dishes. Picture a furrowed brow. Feel the aching neck and shoulders. Hear the doorbell ring. Have no surprise at the arrival of the Frigraine.

I used to go out on Friday nights. I used to work longer hours, in a higher stress job, and go out on Friday nights. I used to leave my desk, whatever state it was in, with some regret but a good deal of relief, and go to the movies, dinner, dancing. Thank God it’s Friday lets party! Okay, truth be told, I used to be 20 something, single, then newly married, and childless. I used to work at a steady job for a salary, rather than being – gulp – an entrepreneur, with a big mortgage and college looming in less than two years. Oh, and I used to get a migraine maybe once a year, a sinus infection or two each winter, and had never heard of chronic fatigue. Nobody had. Dang new-fangled diseases. Who sez I ever wanted to be so up-to-date?

So, here I am, nearing 50, with multiple chronic conditions. Feh! Am I gonna to turn into one of those old people who just talks about her medical crap? I’m just warming up – let me tell you about my sciatica! No, but seriously – it’s boring. I bore myself. I don’t need to go out dancing every Friday – I’d settle for a nice walk, dinner out, dinner in, hanging and talking with my guy. I’d even settle for the dirty kitchen, just without the frigraine! I like cleaning up the kitchen to some good r&b – but not when all the overhead lights are drilling into my eyes and every drum-beat is inside my skull.

Something tells me I just need to take Fridays off! Four day work week, anyone? Now yer talking!

- Megan Oltman

Hurting now.  Took the meds, Fingers crossed.

open door courtesy of Emdot - marya
dirty dishes courtesy of Easternblot - eva